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The Marriage Crisis.

Yesterday he said my eyes were fading fast away, with steadfast concern I apologized quickly to make the situation less awkward. He said its crazy how love stays with me and know when it hurts me, because I don’t want to fight this war, and it’s amazing to see me reading through the scene of love and fear and apology. Yesterday he looked at me with a tear in his eyes, I’ll always tell you you’re my friend, I hope I don’t have to lie because it’s clear you love another man, and I said damn right and he said it’s crazy how love stays with me and even though it hurts me and I didn’t figure it out before. It’s too late for a soliloquy, way too late for dignity, it’s too late for apology.

Those are some of the lyrics from “Apologies” a song with soothing melodies of love and heartbreak by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. The beautifully well sang song ironically reminded me of something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I added my own twist to the lyrics, so if you’re wondering why it’s not exactly what they said, that’s why. The idea of marriage in the culture I’m currently a part of. I’m Mormon, it’s not something I say enough (I’ll explain why sometimes). I actually don’t think I’ve said that on the internet before, I might have metaphorically referred to it, but not bluntly as I just stated.

This culture particularly values marriage more than anything else. It’s pretty much the thing to do right after you graduate from high school. Actually no, when you’ll find someone, you pray about it and ask God, if he’s the one. Something is wrong with what I just said, I don’t know what it is, but I’ll keep writing anyways. This afternoon as I was watching first round of March madness with some friends, someone brought up the topic again. The fact is most of Utah undergraduates are married. It’s a little more than half. This bothers me, not for the fact that the number is so high but the fact that they are so young and (slightly immature, sorry). I mean at 19 or 20, I mean you’re not even half way through school yet. You barely started.

This isn’t just in Utah, but the Mormon culture in general. But not everyone is like this, but most are. I’m weird out because I don’t think they even understand why they are committing to such thing at such a young age. Society claims that marriage would bring you the biggest happiness in life etc. But really no! Absolutely not! Your happiness can in no way shape or form be dependent on your marriage or the people around you. No I’m not saying that those aren’t good sources or better yet excellent source of happiness. I’m saying those aren’t valid sources of happiness. Why? Well its very simple…they won’t always be there. As individuals we are bound to fail one another, it’s inevitable. You wanna know who will NEVER fail or forsake you? God, the greatest love of all, the only true love one can attain with full satisfaction is through Jesus Christ. No one else will ever or can ever come close. Now this is Love at its finest.

This begs the question on the purpose of marriage. What’s the big deal about marriage? Why is it so important? I see so many individuals miserable of the fact that they aren’t married yet. My response is “dude or girl, what’s the rush”? Don’t sell your soul to worldly definition of happiness. If you do it will never be attained, and you’ll be so broken that no one can fix you but Christ. Him and only Him!

Besides the obvious reason on been able to reproduce why would you want to get married? Lets’ see, it’s no cure for loneliness. It’s no cure for depression. It isn’t always butterfly and rainbow. And above all else, it doesn’t guarantee you anything in life. You don’t get special treatments for been married. It holds no golden key to anything in life. So for the third and final time, why would a person want to get married? Someone please enlighten me please.  

I’ve been on this thirst for Christ for months, I love it. He’s my love, he’s my redeemer. He’s everything to me and he brings me so much joy. I can honestly say searching for anything besides God in life is an utter waste of time. Where would you be without Him? He died for us all, so to live life worshipping or searching for anything else is absurd. He completes me; I can honestly say that from the bottom of my heart.

I’m not condemning marriage, I’m just saying stop pursing it as if it’s the reason we were brought to life. If it’s the reason I mean every marriage would last and triumph over the biggest of trials. But it doesn’t, it’s a sad reality, one that isn’t even a commandment. That’s how sad this is.

Someday I would like to get married.  I don’t know why though. Wow! I have no valid reasons to get married. I can’t think of anything besides the obvious. That’s not marriage, it will be another contract I’ll bound to break.

King above King, God of all things, there’s no other man like Jesus; I give you all the praise. I’m so thankful for you God. Your light has never stopped shinning since I’ve opened the door for you. I live for you God, and I will keep shinning for Your glory as it’s the only thing worth shinning for. It’s amazing to see your work in my life, for things that I’m experiencing aren’t coincidental. It is all You God; You alone stand on your throne. You were on the cross my God, my God all alone, all alone. You were on the cross you died for us, all alone. You were on the cross victorious, all alone. You were there in all my suffering; you were there in doubt and in fear. I’m finding grace beyond all measure in flesh and blood he hides his majesty. Inside of you and me, isn’t it beautiful that God of the Universe became one of us? Love, faith and all things are found in Him. I sing for what great love has done, for it’s oh so beautiful and marvelous.

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One thought on “The Marriage Crisis.

  1. “Well its very simple…they won’t always be there. As individuals we are bound to fail one another, it’s inevitable. You wanna know who will NEVER fail or forsake you? God, the greatest love of all, the only true love one can attain with full satisfaction is through Jesus Christ. No one else will ever or can ever come close. Now this is Love at its finest.”

    People will not always fail us. It is common, but NOT inevitable. Especially if both individual’s lives are centered on Christ and living Gospel worthy, loving lives. I agree with you that the ultimate love is Charity, the pure love of Christ. Nothing can beat His perfect love because he gave the ultimate, eternal sacrifice. But that does not mean others cannot love you unconditionally and infinitely as well. And that is what marriage is about. Finding the one person who loves you and promises to always be there for you. The attainment of such a blessing is most definitely possible, and it is not contingent on age…though I see your point on immaturity. God will never lead us astray. If you pray to know HIS will and whether the person you are about to marry is right for you, He will not allow feelings amiss merely to satisfy a cultural perception. Many do get married young, but it is because they know it is right and therefore there is not really a reason to wait. Marrying young is not a requirement though. Many of my young friends are getting engaged or married recently and I was recently almost engaged (not officially but my bf and I had been preparing for engagement and marriage) and after fervently praying about it, God told me it is not right at this time. Those who are living righteous lives will not be led astray, God is mindful of their needs and perhaps some people’s time to marry is young for various reasons. I think sometimes it’s hard not to look at such an issue as an outsider with a skewed perception. God however has an eternal perspective and knows exactly what each of His children need.

    I can promise you that if two people have a genuine love of Christ and His Gospel, they will develop that same love for one another as they both strive to follow His will. A relationship built upon the foundation of Christ, between two worthy, loving people, cannot fail.

    Just imagine, if you can find this happiness and joy in the love of Christ…wouldn’t you want to find that type of sincere love in another person? The doctrine of the family is a commandment from God. After all, Adam and Eve were our first Earthly examples. God made the woman for the man so that he may not be alone. They even had the ability to walk and talk with God in the garden of Eden, but Heavenly Father STILL knew they needed an earthly companion (each other). I think this is just one of the many reasons one should desire marriage. Because it IS a commandment from God. But more than an act of obedience and devotion, it is a blessing. Giving you the ability to bear children and bring them up in the Word of the Lord. The family brings so many blessings and I know we can both agree we’ve yet to see that in some of our own circumstances, but we are given the opportunity to be blessed by our future families.

    Marriage can be a wonderful thing if you can appreciate its DIVINE importance. Understanding it does not occur by mere happenstance, but rather fervent prayer and an earnest will to please God as well as grow together in your love of God with another righteous person. Marriage CAN bring happiness and combat loneliness. Of course, you should find happiness within yourself and the Lord first, but it is possible to find satisfaction in a partner as well. And this is ultimately what God wants…for us to be happy and satisfied living His Gospel and indulging in His eternal truths.

    Heavenly Father loves each of us and he wants to multiple that love by leading us to another loving and righteous eternal companion. Marriage is meant as a blessing, not a burden. Genesis 2:18-“And the LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

    I can definitely appreciate your concern in marrying young and relying too much on another person rather than the Lord. But marriage is ordained of God and allows us to, “multiply and replenish the Earth” (Genesis 1:28). And it is ultimately one of the greatest blessings Heavenly Father has to offer us and He can only hope we will be desirous of such a gift.

    I’m so happy to read of your incredible love for Christ and Heavenly Father and all Their many blessings in your life. I hope you are doing well, it sounds like you are!! I love you girl and miss you!! We should talk soon 🙂

    Much Love,
    Janice

    ps- The following is a link to a really good talk if you’re interested in reading it! 🙂

    http://lds.org/liahona/2011/03/teaching-the-doctrine-of-the-family?lang=eng&query=doctrine+family

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