Home » Uncategorized » My Utmost For His Highest

My Utmost For His Highest

God it is You alone I adore. I usually never know how to start anything in life. And I literally mean everything. “Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt -wait. This has been especially difficult for me, for I tend to act on feelings inside, instead of waiting completely on Gods timing.

As I am writing this I’m just praying to God for wisdom and that He would speak through me, not letting me rant. That He would help me stay focused on points He finds valuable and not what I think are important.

I use to be a member of the church of Jesus Christ of ladder day saints. The reasons I left includes: The book of Mormon, and it wasn’t about Jesus. I realize my last reason is very broad, but so many points go under it, that listing them all would take forever.

The book of Mormon is supposed to be “another testament of Jesus Christ”. Think about that statement for a minute. Why would Christ need another testament? The LDS church is basically saying the bible isn’t enough, so we are going to write our own book. And they are indeed, the reason they use the king James version of the bible is because they think over time the bible has lost its meaning due to various translations. How is that even possible, who are you to say the bible has lost its meaning? You’re basically slapping Christ across the face. The things that really hindered me from seeing this was that they use the same words that are found in the bible. So I thought well off course it’s the same as the bible as all other Mormons think too.

The bible warns several times of “false teachers”, and every time I hear that my heart would just get worried. It was heavily weighted in my heart and it was quiet painful to think about. I really couldn’t figure what it meant. I started vigorously praying, for it was always on my mind and I couldn’t see any false teachers nor false teachings around me. The more I pray the more confused I became. One day I just decided the LDS church wasn’t satisfying any more, I felt like I need more. So I started going to Living Hope of Bryan. Living Hope began a new series on Ruth that week. In my notes I’m reading that we went through chapter 1 through 7 that Sunday. Our lives don’t often say “I trust God”. Our standing with God can’t be based on our religion standing. Deal with the idols of control on your life. Ask God through the power of the holy spirit which idols we are watching. That was some of the points I wrote down in my journal the first Sunday I ever went to living hope.

It was Feb 6th when I began asking myself though questions about my faith. No actually! God started asking me questions. “Do I trust God?”. Well the obvious answer is well yea. But I didn’t completely in some areas, so I began praying for Christ to show me areas of my life were I’m not completely trusting Him. You would think I would stop going to the LDS church, after all this. But no, I went to both church every Sunday for almost 2 months. Every time I found a reason to leave the church, I would asked myself “are 13 million plus people been mislead”? “NO way”! I would quickly remind myself that I’m in right church. And then going to the LDS church on Sunday I would feel convinced. But messages at Living Hope on the other hand would say things that would just stir a volcanic exposing inside. “our standing with God can’t be based on our religion standing”. When I heard that it just shocked me from the inside out. For the LDS church is all about “church standing”. They have a list of things you’re suppose to do, and as you keep doing those things you will go to heaven. This left me in even deeper confusing. I didn’t know who to believe. And before I didn’t know it was a list, but thinking about it now, off course it was a list. It was their own list of commandments, not found in the bible -it was all made up. But it all sounded like stuff that one can find in the bible. And I believed every single one of it.

It was always nice going to living Hope Sunday morning before going to the Mormon church for I would just hear so much better. Like the message was clearer. I’m looking through my journal and in the past I would just write down random things. Everything was so choppy that I can’t even follow. And I would write about how much I either love or dislike the pen I’m writing with. I could just complain about everything in regards to LDS church. This were red flags that I didn’t recognized for I was so blinded by the truth.

On Feb 1st I wrote “if you’re not growing in the knowledge of God: make changes in your life, be obedient in what he has shown you, let others see His light in your life so they can see His work through you”. I didn’t come up with that myself, I heard it from the bible study I go to at school on Tuesdays.

I really felt like that statement was directed at me, for it dwelled in me for days, and its still dwelling within me. So I started reading my scriptures more, and praying more than I’ve every done in my whole life. I started praying to God, to show his light in my life. Every breakaway started more heartache. I could come home meditating on Gods words through Bens’ words. I didn’t know what to do with any of it. It caused more and more confusing. The only thing that remained constant was Christ. I knew He was there, so I held on firmly to my faith. “Are you willing to ponder the word of God even though it might cost you”? Ben said that Feb10th at breakaway. I started praying more and more, I’ve never had to pray this much for anything. Really long conversation between me and my Father. The more I started meditation on the word of God, nothing made sence with the LDS church. I started feeling uncomfortable. On Feb 5th I wrote “I feel supper uncomfortable here today. I have no idea why, I just don’t feel belong. Why are tears almost falling down my eyes? I just love how my mood suddenly just change. I feel like crap!” and off course the message I received that day was to “to stop seeking the storm and enjoy the sunshine”. “Never look at the fallen trees or the broken fences, they are little things”. Remember how I said earlier that Mormon believes are so similar to Christians believes that its ONLY through the grace of God can one really see the difference. And I once again convinced myself that there was no way I was been mislead.

For the next several weeks, at both breakaway and Living Hope, the message I would hold dear is that Jesus is the prince of peace. God is an authority of all human. Without God we are all children of the devil head captive. He brings dignity, He brings hope, He brings love, only He can calm your heart. Jesus will set you free. Daughter your faith has set you free. Faith in Jesus will give you life. Trusting Him will let his glory manifest in your life. God is faithful. Choose the right God, so we can love and listen to his voice. God is to be trusted and reliable. May the Lord show you kindness. God uses people to tell others about his great work. In choosing the pact of God, you must be willing to give up your safety net. Do not make decision based on your physical implication. Don’t always go with what look right, always look for the spiritual implication. God will not compete with any physical item. We are playing it safe as Christians, NEVER play safe as a Christian. Were you go, I will go, where you’ll stay I’ll stay, your people become my people , and your God will be my God. I will trust in the Lord I can’t give out. Where you die I’ll die. Follow me, and let the dead bury. Some trials are caused by God to help you depend on Him. To depend on God is amazing. Never resist God’s discipline. Untested faith is not faith at all. Look at your circumstance through God’s eye. I thank you for Your love. I thank you for your Words, God show me areas where I’m not trusting you. Put me in circumstances that will help me get closer to you. Challenge me to strive to walk in your pact, bless me with unconditional love. Measure individuals you know and or meet with the biggest measuring cup you can find. The beautiful one is the one that’s serving Christ, and letting others see that through your actions. Everlasting your light will shine when all else fades, never ending your glory goes beyond all flame. Trust in father Gods’ perfect plan. Take risk, never let your heart lie on your desire. Lean not on your own understanding, but Father Gods’. Trust God with your LIFE, not your circumstances nor situation. Test everything and hold on to what is right. It’s not in man to climb. You cannot save yourself from sin. I don’t need my circumstances change, I need to change. Admit that you’re jealous to Jesus so he can set you free. Own your purpose. Find your identity in Christ.

Then I went to Masterpiece, them more bombs started cooking. Messages again were: Help your students find the diamonds of truth, that sometimes must be carefully mined from pages of scriptures. How am I living my integrity everyday of my life? The core in me should be foundation of Christ and his love for me. The Lord saves, therefore trust Him. When Jesus came to earth he knew his mission. He never lost sight on his reasons for been here. The greatest mission of all. What is the mission of Jesus in us? To preach good news to the poor, to bind us the brokenhearted. Proclaim good news to soul of bankrupts and people that show humility. I’m nothing without Jesus. To proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. To comfort all who mourn. God does not despise captive people. There is no prison too dark or deep that God cannot set you free from. I want out of my mess so I can have you Jesus. How? To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of morning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Jesus delivers us by grace, through the substitution of His soul. To deliver us from and for something. Jesus deliver us to him-selves and from ourselves. Obey equals thriving like a lively tree Jesus came deep strong and thriving of His love. Am I letting him have his way in me? We are called to live confidently in Gods eye. The mission of Christ through us is to rebuild others and ourselves. The decisions we make now are going to affect the rest of our lives. Choose God, choose his foundation. God rebuild my life. Christian more than simply moving people to Christ he’s also working them for something…making things right. Base your confidence in Christ. I kneel before the father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth. Been rooted and establish in love. Love Jesus Christ in all things. Your sins will never surpass God. Never put your material items above God. I want to be rooted and filled with the word of God. Love God and love others. We don’t engage in God enough. Lets engage with Good, heart to heart. Engaging in the word of God. I’m fearfully and spiritually made. The more scriptures you read, the more vivid life becomes. The one year equals game changer. Prayer is so powerful . Prayers for the faithful. Learning to walk in the spirit. The spirit cannot be controlled. If you are not reading your bible, don’t be reading other books. Engaging with other people. God me my wall, please please.

There is value in knowing someone. Engaging in people. We are made for each other and if we aren’t using others its useless. Be value to people. Bring dignity to people. I have the power to make people feel happy! I should use it more. He wants you to exchange value with someone. Remaining teachable by God and others. Hard intimate work of God. Be there biggest fan, I believe in you. What is one thing Jesus has answered this weekend that I need to trust him with? That He is my savior and my one and only. That I should run with him with everything. I should be more giving, for I’ve been giving so much. Lord help me believe this girl you’ve cleansed. Help me run to your words always. Help me believe, help me receive this daughter you’ve rescued. You have watch me clean. Oaks of righteousness. Touch eternity. I’m your princess. Radiate. May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be a light in the darkness that shines. What has Jesus reveal to me? Into the darkness you shine, out of the darkness we rise. Our God is Healer.

So the next few weeks the trajectory of my life started shifting. God slowly started becoming my focus in life. I started listening to worships songs instead of secular music. The hunger and thirst for Him just kept bursting in flames of pure joy and love. Then the LDS church started taking the back seat in my life. I started noticing tons of flaws with in the church itself. Like they believe in living prophets. And Thomas S. Monson is like a god to them. After masterpiece I began reading “Counterfeit Gods” by Timothy Keller. First of all I haven’t read a book since high school. Even for college I only read assigned books. So I knew it was definitely God working in my life. Keller talked about how everything can literally turn into an Idol. “The very first commandment is “I am the Lord your God…you shall have no other Gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). This leads to the natural questions – “what do you mean, ‘other gods’?” An answer come immediately. “you shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them…”(Exodus 20:4-5) That includes everything in the world!” (qtd on page XVI, Keller). I’ve heard Thomas S. Momson compared to God within the LDS community. The one thing with the LDS church that disturbs me is the conformant to their own stereotypes, that is the norm of the culture. Everyone says the same prayers. At the sacrament Sunday mornings, the elders say exactly the prayer every Sunday. One is suppose to thank god for the living prophet. And you here numerous testimony on the living prophet. Its almost like Mormons have something to prove. Its as if the more its said the more people will believe it, and forcing themselves to believe it too, so it dwells in them. Why aren’t they as passionate about God, as they are of their living prophet and or apostles? You here more testimonies of how living worthy of their own moral code of ethics is what they yearn for and not Christ.

Another thing is the list I’ve been talking about. They have family home evening Monday nights. They meet somewhere, have a spiritual thought and play games for the rest of the night. Then off course they have classes at the institute. I went to a couple of classes on the apostles and how we can live our lives by their examples. Now please just notice how fallacious that statement sounds. Why on earth would I want to live my life on anyone’s examples but Christ?

And after all this, I still keep going. One of my reasons were: were else would I go? Where else will satisfy my heart like this church? Instead my heart was literally burning like It was going to burst. I remember several nights at the end of march I cried myself to sleep. I was thinking about this so much, that tears were my only options. I would fall asleep next to my bible, praying for God to open my eyes, to let me see what He wants me to see not what I want to see.

At breakaway, off course Ben kept shooting more bullets in my heart saying things like: Center of Gods plans to save human kind. With greater commitment comes great intimacy. The son of man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders. Forgiveness is hard for we are absorbing the pain. Jesus came to take my sins away. The way of glory is through the walk of pain. If I want to walk with God, I have to be willing to lose friends. The benefits outweighs the cost. Turn your back on the world, you’ll lose everything. Gospel will save my life. No victims in the kingdom . Do not settle. How do I get into the kingdom of God? Am I in or out? Children, they receive the kingdom of God. People who receive Christ. To be one of Gods children, you must have an utter passion of need for him, dignity, humility. Jesus is in a category all by himself. How you are relating to God is all that matters. You cannot earn the favor of Christ. Never stack up anything. You will enter the kingdom of God with empty hands. What matters is not moral actions but hearts affection. Turn to God. Change my heart to love the right things. No resume can ever be good enough for God. For all things are possible with Christ. I need you to give me eyes to see God. Eternal life in Christ. Pray that God will open hearts and change heart. Love Jesus more than everything. Pray that God will show you to not love money, so I can invest in the kingdom of God. Give me eyes to see the weak, the needy, the poor. Stop making good things ultimate things. The kingdom come through to those who receive.

And at Living Hope statements like “God discipline those that he loves. I’m messing up, I know I’m. God of the universe be a part of me. God speaks through the Holy Spirit. To hear Gods words and be disobedient is a sin. The point of living a Christian live is learning how to communicate with Christ so we can do His will. We are each a big of the puzzle and if I’m missing or you’re missing, it will be incomplete. When God speak the only response is obedience. Cheap grace, pray against it. Accepting the word of God, but not living by it. We have to preach against wickedness. Please wait on God, be content with what you have. When we get self centered we are running from God, and pretty much telling to shut up, because we don’t trust him enough. Compare myself to the word of God, not people.

All these bombs were stirring inside of me, and I just kept crying my heart out to the Lord, for He is my all. Every time I called a friend, either they didn’t pick up or I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything. So I knew it was all in Gods hand at that point. Nothing I did was helpful, so I had to keep bringing it all to Him. I would run into scriptures like Mathew 23: “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must obey them and do everything they tell you. Buy do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. Everything they do is done for men to see. They made their phylacteries wide and tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues: they love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have men call them Rabbi”, I can quote the enter chapter, for I would read it, and it was like God was talking specifically to me. But I still didn’t know who “they all were”. Yes, while some truth about the LDS church began unraveling, I still couldn’t convince myself to leave. And notice what I said “couldn’t myself to leave”. I still wasn’t seeing what God intentions were. But slowly but surely I started taking less notes at the Mormon church, for nothing was worth writing down anymore. My heart was telling me to leave the church, but my body was telling me to stay, for it was the only place I’ve felt belong. And the idea of finding another church was just too daunting to think about. I remember the last week of march. I think I cried every night over a different issue, that I hadn’t fully submitted to Christ. I would call one of my dearest friend who knew what I was going through, but still nothing would come out of my mouth. I remember the breakaway on March 29th, I was in tears after wards. Ben was talking about pain and divorce, and marriage. While I haven’t experience the last two. The first one just kept hitting me like bullets inside. Ben talked about how marriage is a covenant from God, thus society makes it a contract. With my parents still together, I was seating there wondering, why this has nothing to with me. I didn’t take much notes that night, I was just listening. I sat their putting my problems in the “divorce” shoe. And it was nothing but utter pain. I realize my own covenant with Christ isn’t sturdy. Ben kept reiterating, “divorce is not the answer”. Never get a divorce. At the moment I realized that I have no where to run, but to Gods hand. I called my friend that night, and sat on the phone for about fifteen minutes, but I couldn’t really say anything. I was confused, lost. She insisted that I go pray with the prayer team, I said “No”. I came home that night, crying and I felt asleep reading my scriptures. I had to shut off my brain and stop thinking about it, for I just couldn’t handle it anymore. That week another thing that changed was my sleeping patters, I slept so early, around 11ish, I just remember sleeping so early, because all was on my mind was everything that’s been building up inside of me. I thought my chest would explode from keeping so much inside.

I started praying for passions, for all the girls I was going with. I was praying that God would just ignite His light in my life. I prayed that God would revealed himself to us.

A few days before passion I wrote these thoughts down:

I want to thank my heavenly Father first and foremost for His love, His underlying thirst for my sinful soul. God helped me realized more areas of my life that I’m not letting him take control. It’s weird, for I just didn’t realize how bad it was. Well maybe a little. But I really didn’t think it was bad, but in reality it was.

Earlier in the week I stared praying for him to give me eyes to see, and ears to hear, and when things were presented in front of me, I stall and taking action became a problem.

And why is that? I didn’t trust God with it, if I did It won’t be hard to give up, I won’t even think twice.

Its in regards to music. I thought I listened to pretty good music. But for some reason lately the words in a lot of the music I’ve always enjoyed are bluntly awful. Its absurd that I even think they were good, but they are awful. The message of a lot of my music are so ungodly and most are irrelevant to my purpose on earth.

I’m not condemning all the music I listen to, but a lot of it I do have to change. Its doesn’t bring me closer to God, it pulls be away. And I need to get rid of anything and everything hindering my progression with Christ. There are plenty of good music out there, so I have plenty of more options.

When I realized this earlier in the week, I didn’t really do anything about it. I tried to, but I was still tempted to go back to old habits. But now its really time to kick that habit to the curb!

I realized not following God’s commandment affected my week. I mean my week was fantastic, but the fire inside wasn’t burning as much. So I knew something was definitely wrong.

I’m just so amazed by the glory of God. Ever since I’ve been putting him first. my life keeps getting better. Everyday is a different thing he’s helping me work on.

God I’m so blessed by your great love. I am blessed that you made a sinner like myself into one of your children. I’m blessed that you just keep testing my faith, for it’s making my testimony on faith that much stronger.

God, please keep showing me more areas of my life where I’m not trusting you. Give me strength, give me motivation to keep seeking you. Father I’m so blessed for you, from the bottom of my heart.

Another thing I found out is that I live on “cheap grace.” Well it all really goes together. It’s basically expecting grace when we aren’t truly following all of God’s commandments. Father please forgive me. God please forgive, for I’ve disobey you by not doing what you instructed me to do. God please help me have less of myself and more of You. God please keep opening my eyes to everything you want me to see, and walk passionately in your pact. More importantly I’m praying for you to open my ears to hear your words. And I pray for a humble heart, so I can proclaim your words with my up most desire and passion. God please help me stop thinking about ungodly and irrational thoughts“.

On our ways to passion the girls and I listened to Awakening, a passion CD most of the way through. And I kept praying in my heart for God to help me see what he wants me to see and not what I want to see. As we walked in to the Ft. Worth convection center Friday night. This feeling of awe, resonated thru my blood streams. We were kind of late, but we only missed a few songs. But all I saw were people singing worship songs to Christ. Shouting, with utter passion for great love has done. I turned to my right and said “this amazing” and to my right “this is stunning”. I’ve never experience anything like that before. You could just tell that it was all about Christ, and nothing else. It was absolutely beautiful.

This first night I wrote down in my journal: oh my father, how beautiful is your throne how mighty are thou my father. We were talking about Philippians chapter 2. Decisions made in college really set your track for life. I live for Jesus. We humans are servants of Jesus Christ. Who am I servant of? Who’s’ servant am I? Counterfeit gods (no bueno!) If you miss the trajectory, it might be hard to get back on. Live, breath, nourish, grown, worship for God. I’m not afraid of death. Agenda equals Christ. Use your passion for Christ and Christ only. There is so much to live for.

This is what I also wrote about the first night before I went to bed.

You are more, you are more than my words will ever say my father. I’m letting go of all else, because you are God, You are the king of all kings.

Today or last night I should say was the first night of Passion, I kept praying for you to break chains, in my life. For you to free me of the burdens of my soul For you to remove the selfishness, self-centeredness, and cold ambitions that my mind just linger on for. Those things don’t bring satisfaction, in fact they destroy my mind, they hinder me from getting close to you father. And God, you alone are freeing me from it all. You alone are breaking chains, You alone are moving mountains upon mountains in my life. You alone are what my soul thirst for. You alone are what I desire, You alone are my hope. You alone are my peace. Father, you alone satisfy my soul. You alone I worship, Jesus the son of God. Father, how blessed am I to have you in my life. Father, how humble am I to call you a father. The Prince of Peace is my father. How amazing is that. Forever I will keep loving you. Forever I will worship You . I’m hungry for you my father. I am so thirsty for you.

You are so amazing, and I’m so full of Sin, yet you still keep forgiving me. You keep protecting me, you keeping providing in ways I can’t fully begin to comprehend. The riches of your love will forever be enough my Lord. Enough, Father you are Indeed!

Lately I’ve just been thinking what have I been doing with my life. I talking about the directions its headed to. I don’t know exactly where I think I would be at 19. Well maybe I did, I just need to admit them out loud and not just internally to myself. Okay I thought I would still be at a four year university, not a community college. I mean really nothing against CC’s but lately it been all I’ve been thinking about. School, where am I going to transfer etc. I haven’t applied anywhere yet for the fall, but I know its for reasons beyond my control. I don’t think it laziness at all, for education isn’t something I mess around with.

But what I’ve realized is that my mind, my heart, my desires aren’t centered around God.

They are set on worldly desires, wishes, and wants. My eyes are set of doing things to get approval from other people, and not God. For some reason I think approval from society is necessary. But its really not.

Its not even required, for they don’t matter. Society didn’t die on the cross for my sins. Society is never there for absolutely anything. So why do I put so much effort in impressing society, and not God. Why am I not spending hours impressing my heavenly father, instead of mortal beings that my heart longs for.

Oh my God please save me, replace these idols of my life with your son that died for me. Let heaven roar so his light can shine through me. Let heaven roar so others can see how amazing you are. Father let heaven roar with passion for your Son Jesus. Bring Him to my life, and let Him take control of it all. Its not my life to live, it belongs to your one and only Son Jesus.

God, let my soul hunger for you, let it be thirsty for you. Give me eyes to see more of who you are. Take what i know and break it all apart. I want to spend my life worshiping you God. Give me grace to see beyond this moment. I’m so blessed for you. I am so far from what you are God, but please give me grace to continue worshiping you.

Parental approval, for some reason I have this fear of disappointing my parents. While I’ve always never cared what people thought of me. At the back of my mind, I’ve wondered. I say I don’t, but I do. But in all, I really shouldn’t care. I mean why am I seeking approval from a mortal being?

I can’t meet there expectation. The only expectations I should even strive to meet are my heavenly fathers. God, I thank you for your never ending love.

God please keep breaking chains in my life. Keep helping me get closer to You in anyway you see fit. All I want is more of you. You love is like fire that burns for all to see, let your words take me deeper, let it bring me closer to you my God. When you call I’ll follow, at the cross I surrender, Jesus I belong to you.. Your love indeed is like fire that burns for all to see. My only desire is to worship at your feet.

God, I pray these things in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ, Amen.

I went to bed that night, feeling better than I have in a long time, but some things were still in my heart. The bomb hasn’t exploded yet in my heart.

The second day we went to community group and I basically walked out with: Jesus is it. He emptily humble himself by been obedient all the way to death. Jesus is has exalted as I’m going to get. And then during main session: Crazy love. Because he lives, I can face tomorrow. For me to die is gain, and live is Christ. “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be Christ which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me”. When Chan started talking about his great love for Christ, I could really feel my heart wanting to break. But I didn’t get it. I wanted to get it so badly. But I didn’t. He started crying, and I felt it, but I didn’t get it.

Live your life in a matter worthy of the gospel of Christ. Philippians 1:27-30 “Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel. Without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved – and that by God. For its has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe him, since you were going through the struggle you saw I had, and now hear what I still hear”. I kept meditating on this asking God to open my eyes.

Certain quotes would just hit my heart more and more. “Because Christ established the church for Gods glory, I will invest the gifts he has given me in the life and mission of my local church”.

“Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desires of our hearts “ Isaiah 26:8.

My heart just melted with those quotes.

Unity among believers that amplifies his name. Let this fire consume my life, let it consume my world. Because God’s fame is amplifier when believers love each other I will strive for unity among all Christians on my campus. That Saturday after Chan’s talk, I could definitely feel things were going to start exploding. So I started praying that God would just break it into tiny pieces for me to see clearly. I remember I had about 2 hours or less of sleep that night. I was supper focused though. I remember that night, we got to Ft. Worth convention center a little early so we went to take a seat. As we sat we realize how so tight the space was, so we move up a few rolls, which was more comfortable.

It was during worship session that night, and all the songs they were playing just started making me cry, but the one that really hit me the most was Here For You, it was performed by Chris Tomlin. “Let out praise by your welcome, let our songs be a sign we are here for You. We are here for You, we are her for you. let Your breath come from heaven fill our hearts with your life we are here for you. To your our hearts are open nothing here is hidden you are our one desire, let our shout be your anthem, Your renown fill the sky. Let your work move in power, let whats’ dead come to life. I was sing this shouting the loudest I think I’ve ever sang in my life. Then I started seeing burst of flames unfold. We welcome you with praise, we welcome You with praise, Almighty God of love be welcomed in this place. While singing this last part, my body started shaking, like I couldn’t stop shaking. It lasted less than a minute, but I definitely felt like a weight was lifted from me, I knew it was God. The bombs I’ve been storing inside, finally exploded.

That night the messages I receive was: If its not in the bible blow it off (my mind went straight to the book of Mormon). What’s at the bottom of my Joy. God’s exaltation should be my focus. What’s the reason I’m happy. Get glorifying at the bottom. You keep me alive, you get more of me. To be born again. Have faith to be saved, to depend and pray. The most important person is you my father. Let your kingdom manifest in my life. Make enjoying you move power. God help me enjoy been made much of by your son Jesus.

Saturday night I just remember feeling so convinced that the LDS church isn’t a Christian church. The doctrine the Church stands upon isn’t Christ, its on detestable acts.

The LDS church believes in modern apostle and prophets, but Christ says in the book of Jeremiah “The prophets are prophesying lies in my name. I have not sent them or appointed them or spoken to them. They are prophesying to you false visions, divinations, idolatries and delusions of their own minds. Therefore, this is what the Lord says about the prophets who are prophesying in my name: I did not send them, yet they are saying ‘no sword or famine will touch this land’. Those same prophet will perish by sword and famine. And the people they are prophesying to will be thrown out into the streets of Jerusalem because of the famine and sword. There will be no one to bury them or their wives, their sons or their daughters. I will pour out on them the calamity they deserve” ( Jeremiah 14:14-16).

“When you tell these people all this and they ask you, ‘why had the Lord decreed such a great disaster against us? What wrong have we done? What sin have we committed against the Lord our God?” then say to them, ‘its is because your fathers forsook me, ‘declares the Lord, ‘and followed other gods and served and worshiped them. They forsook me and did not keep my laws. But you have behaved more wickedly than your fathers. See how each of you is following the stubbornness of his evil heart instead of obeying me. So I will throw you out of this land into a land neither you nor your fathers have known, and their you will serve other gods day and night, for I will show you no favor’ (Jeremiah 16:10-13).

“However, the days are coming, “declares the LORD, “When men will no longer say, ‘As surely as the Lord lives, who brought Israelites up out of Egypt,’ but they will say, ‘As surely as the Lord lives who brought the Israelites up out of the land of north and out of the countries where he had banished them.’ For I will restore them to the land I gave their forefathers.

“But now I will send for many fishermen,” declares the Lord, “and they will catch them. After that I will send for many hunters, and they will hunt them down on every mountain and hill and form the crevices of the rocks. My eyes are on all their ways; they are not hidden from me, nor is their sin concealed from my eyes. I will repay them double for their wickedness and their sin, because they have defiled my land with the lifeless forms of their vile images and have filled my inheritance with their detestable idols” (Jeremiah 16:14-18).

The Mormon church is not the same with Christian churches. Why? If one goes in and listen to a talk at the LDS church at the very end, Mormons always say “I know that this church is true”. If you really know that it is true, why do you have to repeat it as if you’re almost forcing yourself to say it. And its not only that, its with EVERYTHING. They have to convince themselves to belief their own doctrines. Something is wrong that! A lot of the things, I could never even bring myself to say, for I didn’t believe all their doctrines. But because my faith about the gospel wasn’t very sound, I believed everything the missionaries told me which is why I joined the church. They would also tell investigators to read the entire book of Mormon to know if its true, why do you have to read the whole thing? Why not just a section of it?

The book of Mormon is the cheap version of the god they worship. Mormons are living on cheap faith, claiming “as long as we continue to do this things” we will go to heaven. You cannot save yourself.

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will be like a tree planted by the water that send out its root by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leave are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” The hearts is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:5-9)

Relying to false gods, apostles and doing things to make yourself worthy, will get you in hell, not heaven.

We are too sinful a generation to even deserve Gods glory. But no, God send Jesus Christ, His one and only son to die for our sins on the cross. He died so we won’t have to live for anything in life but Him. So nothing you do will ever be good enough, but by the grace of God we can be make worthy to see him face to face.

The bible for Mormons is a another resource besides the endless list of things that will make them worthy. I love how the book of Mormon is mention no where in the bible. Yet the book uses the same words that are found in the bible to confuse people in thinking “oh well its similar, so I must me right” hence “they must be Christians”. NO! Its false, and they are NOT Christians. Don’t let the attire fool you in anyway, it’s a show, it’s what their forefather claimed was best, to glorify their name and not the living Jesus.

The LDS church spends millions of dollars building temples around the world, for burying the dead, marriages and ordnances. Yes this sounds good till you start digging deeper. “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in ad steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Mathew 6:19-24).

These mightier than thou acts put on by the LDS church glorifies their name alright. People who know nothing about the church will think its a good thing, for its sounds like something you can find in the bible and something Christians do. God doesn’t need your help, God can do it all on His own. He seats on his throne all alone, he died for our sins all alone, he did it without any mortal beings help. So what makes you think you were hand chosen personally, or that y’all are “the true church” of Christ. Its not in the bible, so I’m not believing it. The church of Jesus Christ of Ladder day Saint, claims to be “of” Christ, but not “FOR” Christ glory. That makes absolutely no sense.

Nothing about the church ever made sense, which is why I started questioning things to begin with. The puzzle never fit in the head, all the doctrines are very difficult to understand. So I asked myself whether or not the gospel of Christ is suppose to be this difficult to understand. And no! Its not suppose to be hard at all. Its in fact, very simple. You shouldn’t have to affirm your own doctrines everyday, it should speak for itself. And it doesn’t, which is why Mormons have to keep affirming that their church is the true church. In the book of the laws we read “Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach, It is not up in heaven. So that you may ask. “who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it”? Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you may ask, “who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey ?” No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it” (Deuteronomy 29:11-14) Real Christians don’t seat and question whether God is real, we KNOW he is more than alive, God is living amongst us. How amazing is that, the living God, eating with me everyday, walking with me, guiding me, while I deserve nothing from him, yet he doesn’t hesitate, now this is the Lord I worship.

“This day, I call heaven and earth as witness against you that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curses. Now choose life, so that you may and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob” (Deuteronomy 29:19-20).

LDS believes includes the idea that God, Jesus and Holy spirit are three different individuals, which is why they have various levels of heaven. If the LDS church is true, then there should be one heaven for everyone. But the church stands firm on false gods, that seeing how ridiculous there doctrine sounds becomes a problem. If there are different levels of heaven, so off course there are various gods in the LDS church.

Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord , Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles? Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Always from me, you evildoers!’ (Mathew 7:21-23).

The LDS church is NOT executed on the bible, but rather on individuals selfish ambitions of self proclamations.

I can’t sleep at night knowing that Mormons think I’m happy because I’m worshiping their God, when in fact my life belongs to Jesus Christ, son of God.


2 thoughts on “My Utmost For His Highest

  1. If you’d like to talk you can call me. I’m always here to listen regardless if we disagree. I think it would be worth it to talk though.

    love ya girl,



  2. Rasidat!

    I’m in love with this! The Lord speaks through you mightily! I affirm everything you said. Jeremiah 17:5-9 is one of my favorite passages! but you forgot verse 7 (the POWER verse):

    “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. BLESSED IS THE MAN WHO TRUSTS IN THE LORD AND WHOSE TRUST IS THE LORD. for He will be like a tree planted by the water that send out its root by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leave are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” The hearts is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:5-9

    Thank you for posting this. I’m blessed to see the Lord working in and through you. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

    Praying for you always!

    -Stephen and Katy


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s