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God, I am here

Lord, first I want to praise you for the wonderful things you are doing on this planet. So glad I am here to be a part of your creation. Lord, with you I stand tall ready for action wherever you’ve call me.
This has been a great week, I am reminded how much of a sinner I really am. God, I praise you for that, I prayed that you reveal sins in my heart, and you answered my prayers, praise You for that. One that was extremely prevalent yesterday was that I kept blurring thing out. Example I was walking out of my anthropology class with the girl that seats behind me. They were walking out in front of me, and I was right behind them. As we were walking down the stairs these two girls just kept staring at them whispering, and I blurred “rude” out loud, off course the girl heard me and I had to explain what the other girls were doing. Then the girl went back upstairs after the other girls, but she ended up not seeing anyone. Bottom line, it was immature of me to even assume what those girls were talking about. And the only reason I assumed was because of the way they were staring. It does not excuse my assumptions. Then all throughout the day I would agree with other people when they say things. I wouldn’t even think about there statements till after they said it. Or I would say negative things myself, but I wouldn’t think about it till its done. Another example, Wednesday night I was inside the computer lab. The first thing I asked my roommate who was already inside before I arrived was “is the printer working”? Then a guy at another computer said “wow! I am shocked, that thing never work when I am here” Then I replied “Yea it’s a piece of junk”. Where did that come from? When I was walking up to my room I was thinking, that computer lab, printer and everything else is a blessing from God, why must I complain?
God, pretty much just answered a prayer right now as I am typing this. I care what people think of me. Well I don’t care in certain areas, but since there’s a hint of doubt, the fact that I care triumphs . Wow! Thank you God, for just letting me see this plainly. I am still in shock, but then I don’t understand why. God is honestly revealing areas of life that I am not trusting Him in. Lord, please help me detangle things. Why do I care what people think of me? Is it because I am not completely satisfy in God? No, not really, but I sometimes feel like if I had that group, or individuals approval then I am something or someone. This is disgusting! Oh if I think they are cool, I would want to be friends with them. If I didn’t care what people thought of me, I guess I won’t struggle with body image. I am rather consumed with this world huh? Yea I am really consume with this world. Earlier this week, I felt like I was devoted to a lot of things that are not God or gospel oriented, and now its so much more certain by obsession to the things of this world.
Caring what people think of you is a sin, a self destructive one too (all sins are). Individuals are suppose to compare themselves to God, not people. And the book of James in the Bible says “anyone who knows the good he ought to do, and doesn’t do it, sins” (4:17). I know the good is to not compare myself with anyone but God. For he is the only one pure, perfect, without blemish, and The Lord, Jesus Christ. And since I compare and contrast, I am sinning, without fail. Why has this never come across as a sin? God I praise you, for your perfect timing with everything. I could even try and justify myself and say well not all the time, but since I do it regardless its sinning! “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it” (James 1:10). I am guilty, plain and simple. God, thank you for revealing this to me.
Lord, keep breaking layers of sins in my heart, keep revealing thing to me. Since I care so much about what people think of me, that is why I keep falling into sin. I want approval from the world. Also I want people to think I know what I am talking about, no that’s not even what I am trying to say. I want people to know how knowledgeable I am at times. Sometimes In class I ask questions even though I know the answers. This is extremely difficult to write, Lord help me. God, help me learn when to speak, and when to not speak.
Dwelling about my sinful nature is a sin, I do this often . Lord, please help me control my tongue. Things that I can’t stand included, guys with earrings, people that drive expensive cars, girls that wear excessively tight Nike shorts when they clearly are not runners. Girls that roll up shorts extra short, especially Nike shorts. Excessively short dresses, shorts.
Goodness, I am hypocrite. I think about driving expensive cars, more often than I should. Sometimes I think it would be bold of me to wear extra short shorts. That’s not even boldness, that’s absurdness. I day dream about random things, like having having my own company and firing people, hooking up with random guys, not even random my fellow brothers in Christ. Lusting after my brothers in Christ. Analyze others thought process, trying to think what they think of me. Lord, rid me of myself please. I am so self consumed. Sometimes I imagine been contacted by someone who read my blog that they want to offered me a job. Lord, help me stop day dreaming, wake me up to reality. Even day dreaming about the things of God is dangerous. Actions speaks louder than dreams, put dreams into action, not day dreaming yourself doing the task.
I do not want anyone to think this is bold, I am confessing my sins, there is nothing bold about this. I am suppose to do this all the time according to the bible.
Lord, I also sometimes imagine my world with that special someone. Lord that’s not even the answer to anything. Lord help me live in you, help me be complete in you, for clearly I am not. Or else I won’t be searching, or longing for other things, or people to fill in the whole in my heart. God, you are so enough, help me live in this daily, help me hang up my flesh daily. God I do not want sin to be the death of me, I do not want to you to condemn me in the end because of my sins. You are consuming my world, and I love it! Lord sometimes I imagine people walking in when I am reading my scriptures, I want recognition that I am a good person/Christian.
Lord, please change my heart, break it. I don’t want to long for approval from the world, because there opinions do not matter. You are the only thing that matter. Lord, help me live in you, help me strive to walk with you daily. Lord, I compare legs, like If I see a girl or a guy with nice legs, I want it too. Eww, what is wrong with me.
God, I am scared to share the gospel with neighbors clearly I am suppose to. Lord, I want to be awkward, weird for the gospel. Its like who cares what they think of me. God please rid me of myself.
God, I am sinner in front of you, my heart is full of so much sin, father please forgive me of everything that is in my heart. Lord be gloried. Lord, my heart will sing a brand new song by your grace. Lord, I don’t understand why I imagine terrible things happening to people. Why do they come in to my head. Please rid me of this, and my sinful nature. God I am laying at your feet, God save me from this world. All that is within my is crying for you Lord. Rid me of myself. Lord, thank you for been a God of second chances. Lord be glorified in this. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.


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